sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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