Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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