Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
