The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
