hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
