I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
