Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
