the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
