I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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