I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
