I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
