It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
