The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I did not marry a roomba.
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