It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
