when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
