you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
