Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
