Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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