Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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