kristin has been a bad kristin
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
