My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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