did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
