he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
