mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
