Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
