we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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