i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
