Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
