worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
