At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
