she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
