no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
