We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
