1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
