my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
