and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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