Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
