three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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