I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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