I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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