Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
