Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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