why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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