Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
