I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
