i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
