Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
