I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
