i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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