She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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