she looked like the before picture.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
