It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
